Thursday, March 29, 2018

What In The World Is Happening Right Now?

Ive been gone, gone to long.
2018, I cant even believe it. Here we are. I feel uneasy, and off kilter. The New Year is supposed to mean accepting what is, letting go of what was and having faith in what will be. However I feel confused about how to move forward with certain things that are going on in my life right now. Last year brought alot to the table that was hard that is for sure , but this year feels heavy already.
How do you deal with that fear of moving forward with plans you really want to execute? How do you take risks, when you have taken them before and they did'nt work out?

I feel like the only answer to this is to just dive in headfirst.You only have one life to live and you just sometimes have to go for an opportunity when it presents itself.

In the course of the last two months we have both quit jobs and started new ones , then quit those. Then Mark got a job , a good job that didnt have him mentally drained from lack of sleep aka grave yard. A day shift presented itself and with good pay!!


I decided I need to be at home with my two youngest children for the next 4 months  while we prep our house for selling because now were moving out of state for Marks new job . So I did not go back to the old job that I requested back and was offered to me. All of this in just the last two months.
It has been a whorl wind of decision making and both of us feel utterly insane right now.

Like today for instance, I'm writing, and I am going to clean the chicken coop.....
Okay not exciting to most.
However to  those who work full time, you understand the long list you have running of the things you need and want to get done, so I am pretty excited to tackle some of the things on my to do list.
Yes even if it means wearing grubbies, a face mask,gloves, and risking my life against chickens. (I am not a fan of birds or really being grubby for that matter.)

I really think when a time in your life comes and its nothing but a huge question as to what the next step is to ensure your happiness, its really okay to take a break to figure it out.

We were both there, wondering what we were doing with our lives and whether we were happy. neither of us really was.
We were happy with each other and our kids and our life in general, but our jobs were sucking the life out of us daily. Leaving us drained with  nothing left for the kids or each other.
Change was needed.

Change is scary shit!!Period. We are in our forties and we thought, what in the hell are we doing?!We should just stay at our jobs , get through it, stay stable, reap all the benefits a solid job offers like medical benefits and retirement.  Unhappiness was weighing us down. Thoughts of
"Why do I  have to kill myself at a job I hate?"
"I only have one life, and I need Joy in my life again, I deserve Joy right?"
"Should I quit and do something I enjoy  even if it means giving up some things?

The Answer to all of that is GOD YES!! If you can swing it. Do it.
I did have a panic attack the first few days of being home, but you know what?
I feel so at peace with my decision, and Mark is at peace with his.
We are laughing again. We are talking about our future and all the exciting and limitless things in front of us.
There might come a day that I have to go back to work, but for now I am going to enjoy taking care of my family until that day comes.

Sometimes I wish I was someone else

Getting New computer can really suck sometimes. As I began todays blog I hit some random button and completley deleted what I was typing. ...