Monday, March 13, 2017

Are you a Warrior? or Are you a Worrier?

I was on the road to losing weight and had lost about 15 pounds. I was doing the Whole 30, and working out at the gym at least 3 days per week.
Then I Started having some issues with my health and had a Hysterectomy fairly quickly due to a large Fibroid Tumor that was destroying my uterus. I was scared to death!! I was sure it was cancer and I started freaking out about all the things I should have been doing for my body that I just started doing at the ripe young age of 39!!

So today marks 11 days since my Hysterectomy. The doctor tried laprosopic first and was unsuccessful. I started bleeding uncontrollably and was opened up instead. So its kinda like having two surgery's at the same time. The tumor/fibroid that was attached to my uterus was very large and it had twisted my uterus in half!! Crazy right!? No wonder I have been feeling so awful for so long!! I am on the Mend now recovery is extremely slow but I'm getting better with each day. I am looking forward, to getting back into my normal routine in a few weeks. However I am hitting the emotional stage of the this unexpected health issue. I am feeling useless , unable to do anything physical. My Family is amazing and has been taking such great care of me and they ensure me ever single day that I am useful and to take it easy.
What I am looking forward to over the next few weeks is healing perfectly and getting cleared to get back on my exercise routine.

I don't know why but I feel so guilty about not being at work for 6 weeks!! Each day that i feel better i ask myself..could you do your job today? My response is always no, but it takes some convincing. I know that i need all six weeks to heal. There is no way that i could help lift anyone out of a wheel chair right now.
I worry about money while I'm not working.
I feel guilty that I cant clean my house right now.
I feel guilty that I don't last long at the grocery store. Yesterday I went to Target for like 45 minutes. I came home and slept for 3 hours!!

Then my 11 year old said to me. "Mom you always tell us girls to be Warrior's. When we feel like we can't do something, or something bad is happening in our life , you say "don't worry you came from me and YOU are a Warrior!" "So mom stop worrying about what you can't do right now. its okay,because you are a Warrior remember!!"

I was tight lipped, I had nothing to say. She was right.
I am a warrior. Built from some of the greatest women I know.
I have been through allot worse than this. Allot worse.
So I'm going to stop worrying , I'm going to concentrate all my energy into healing and relaxing for the next 5 weeks, I'm going to enjoy being home with my kids for the rest of my recovery. I can sit and color with them, play cards, talk to them. I can pack there lunch, and read to them. I can have great deep conversations with my older girls about life and I can cuddle with my husband and talk about life, where normally I would be to exhausted after work to even discuss what each other ate for lunch.
I am learning that worrying doesn't get you anywhere. I realize I worry allot about everything and its exhausting.
So no more!! I will take my own advice and suck it up and be the Warrior I strive for my girls to be.

Thanks for reading

Marvel Mama

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