Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Mom Guilt...The struggle is real

I have been having some lengthy conversations with some of my mom friends about mom guilt.
Its a real struggle for most of us and can really hinder how we feel about ourselves and how we function out in society. If you have an anxiety disorder it can be even more debilitating on your self esteem.
What is mom guilt? Its the fear of not doing enough. Its feeling guilty when you have barely seen your kids all week because you have to work, and then you get home and leave again for the gym. Its doing anything that remotely involves taking care of yourself. Its canceling at the last minute with friends because your daughter is crying that your "Never Home"and that gut wrenching question "Why do you always have to go to work?"

I feel guilty when I go to the salon to get my hair done.
I feel guilty when I go on a date with my husband on a Friday night.
I feel guilty when I don't clean the house on my day off.
The list really goes on and on. Every mom has this list.
Why? Why do we do it.
We all have heard someone tell us "You have to take care of yourself first, so you can be a better mom and wife" right? Okay but how! I think even if I quit my job and stayed home , to work from home, I would feel guilty for working at home. What the hell!!!
We are constantly worrying about whether or not the things we are doing with our life are messing up our kids some how. Especially those with anxiety and depression. There are days I just want to do nothing. NOTHING!! I want to read a book all day long! I don't though because I'm afraid my moment of quite and internal healing will some how negativley affect my kids. I don't want them to be depressed or sad or bored and for some reason I act like I'm contagious and do everything I can to hide what I'm feeling that day. I mostly do it with humor, I crack jokes or tease. I want my kids to be happy. We all want to raise kids that don't have to recover from there childhood as adults. So I hide it when im feeling melancholy.
However if I'm truly honest with myself feeling guilty is wasted energy. I try to remind myself everyday not to dwell on what i didn't do the day before, or what I feel I have to do tomorrow,
It really is about living in the moment. Learning to be okay with bad days as well as good days.
It's not easy but its necessary.
Stop worrying so much because its taking up today. All the things you could be saying to your kids and yourself could be positive and hopeful. Your day could instead be filled with laughter or team work.
Pick one thing every single day to tell yourself. Before you get out of bed say "Today I am going to be happy, I'm going to do what I want how i want."
What  I like to do is print sayings off of pintrest and tape them to my mirror. That way I see them in the morning while I'm getting ready. I cant deny myself the words "YOUR AMAZING" when its right in front of my face,
Remember that you are only human and humans are NOT perfect. We make mistake's and hopefully we learn from them and move on.
So the next time i drive my kids to the bus stop in my pajamas I'm not going to feel guilty that I haven't showered yet because I woke up late, and that they ate cereal instead of eggs and bacon for breakfast.
I'm not going to feel guilty that there clothes don't match this one day, but feel proud that they wanted to dress themselves,
I'm gonna get out of the car in my pajamas's at the bus stop with my messy hair and wave to them goodbye like a bad ass, because I'm thankful that I get to wear pajamas's and I'm thankful that I have hair to be messy, and I'm thankful my kids can see me smiling and waving, and I can see there smiling faces wave back.

Thank you for reading
Please feel free to comment below what you do to keep yourself from feeling Mom guilt!!

Below is a great article about changing just one word in our daily vocabulary to change our way of thinking as moms.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Are you a Warrior? or Are you a Worrier?

I was on the road to losing weight and had lost about 15 pounds. I was doing the Whole 30, and working out at the gym at least 3 days per week.
Then I Started having some issues with my health and had a Hysterectomy fairly quickly due to a large Fibroid Tumor that was destroying my uterus. I was scared to death!! I was sure it was cancer and I started freaking out about all the things I should have been doing for my body that I just started doing at the ripe young age of 39!!

So today marks 11 days since my Hysterectomy. The doctor tried laprosopic first and was unsuccessful. I started bleeding uncontrollably and was opened up instead. So its kinda like having two surgery's at the same time. The tumor/fibroid that was attached to my uterus was very large and it had twisted my uterus in half!! Crazy right!? No wonder I have been feeling so awful for so long!! I am on the Mend now recovery is extremely slow but I'm getting better with each day. I am looking forward, to getting back into my normal routine in a few weeks. However I am hitting the emotional stage of the this unexpected health issue. I am feeling useless , unable to do anything physical. My Family is amazing and has been taking such great care of me and they ensure me ever single day that I am useful and to take it easy.
What I am looking forward to over the next few weeks is healing perfectly and getting cleared to get back on my exercise routine.

I don't know why but I feel so guilty about not being at work for 6 weeks!! Each day that i feel better i ask myself..could you do your job today? My response is always no, but it takes some convincing. I know that i need all six weeks to heal. There is no way that i could help lift anyone out of a wheel chair right now.
I worry about money while I'm not working.
I feel guilty that I cant clean my house right now.
I feel guilty that I don't last long at the grocery store. Yesterday I went to Target for like 45 minutes. I came home and slept for 3 hours!!

Then my 11 year old said to me. "Mom you always tell us girls to be Warrior's. When we feel like we can't do something, or something bad is happening in our life , you say "don't worry you came from me and YOU are a Warrior!" "So mom stop worrying about what you can't do right now. its okay,because you are a Warrior remember!!"

I was tight lipped, I had nothing to say. She was right.
I am a warrior. Built from some of the greatest women I know.
I have been through allot worse than this. Allot worse.
So I'm going to stop worrying , I'm going to concentrate all my energy into healing and relaxing for the next 5 weeks, I'm going to enjoy being home with my kids for the rest of my recovery. I can sit and color with them, play cards, talk to them. I can pack there lunch, and read to them. I can have great deep conversations with my older girls about life and I can cuddle with my husband and talk about life, where normally I would be to exhausted after work to even discuss what each other ate for lunch.
I am learning that worrying doesn't get you anywhere. I realize I worry allot about everything and its exhausting.
So no more!! I will take my own advice and suck it up and be the Warrior I strive for my girls to be.

Thanks for reading

Marvel Mama

Sometimes I wish I was someone else

Getting New computer can really suck sometimes. As I began todays blog I hit some random button and completley deleted what I was typing. ...