Tuesday, February 21, 2017


So March 2nd is fast approaching. Why does that matter you ask? Well I'm having surgery. Not just any Surgery. A Total Hysterectomy.
Lots of you are sitting there right now saying " oh that's an easy surgery" "you'll be fine, not a major surgery".... Blah blah blah.
Well your wrong. Sooooo very wrong. It is major surgery, it is not an easy surgery. Especially for me. I have a 8 centimeter tumor growing on the outside of my Uterus. I have smaller Fibroids inside my uterus , and last but not least some minor cyst/lesions on my cervix. Probability that its cancer? Pretty slim but being biopsied anyway. I cant have laproscopic because my uterus is to big and with the tumor attached its even bigger. So ya this is major abdominal surgery. Its driving me crazy how people are so flippant about it when I tell them. Like what constitutes major in your imagination anyway?
 I'm not looking for sympathy, okay maybe a little,but come on I'm having an organ removed from my body via my abdominal cavity!!! That is scary shit!! I might have a cancerous tumor! That is scary shit!!!  I'm going under anesthesia and that is SCARY SHIT!!
I know its just a uterus. Its not a functioning organ that I need any longer.
However this uterus has carried to term four beautiful babies. It has miscarried one that i will never know and it is what a women is designed around.You know procreation, its like a women's super power. So losing it is making me a teeny bit emotional. I have had this lump in my throat for well over a week and it is becoming harder and harder to control the urge to burst into tears. Not just soft cute tears, big loud ugly crying. 
 I will be saying good by to the chance of ever having a baby with Mark. (Not that we were going to have one , I mean I'm 39 that's just crazy talk.) 
It is the one thing we will never experience with each other. It makes me sad a little.

There is some good coming from this surgery though and that makes this all worth while.
1.  I already have four beautiful Daughters , a wonderful Step Daughter and Step Son, therefore I feel blessed in the children department, even though
mark and I never had a baby together.
2. I will never have periods again. Hallelujiah!!!!
3. My pain will hopefully be gone. YES!!!!
4. My chances of ovarian cancer drop with the removal of my fallopian tubes!!! I'll take that!!
And I will be well taken care of by amazing Fiance and my girls when i get home from the hospital.
I am thankful for all that. I am thankful that my Doctors listened to me when i said something was wrong.
So even though I am scared to death about the surgery, I know that I will wake up a new women. As fierce as I have ever been, if not more!!
Word to the wise though. Have a little sympathy for a women when she tells you this is the surgery she is about to experience, because its not just physical pain but emotional as well. 

To all you women who have had a Hysterectomy you are my hero's!! I would love to hear your experiences with it and how you felt before and after having one!!

Thanks for reading,

Marvel Mama

Sometimes I wish I was someone else

Getting New computer can really suck sometimes. As I began todays blog I hit some random button and completley deleted what I was typing. ...