Saturday, August 27, 2016

Your Best Friend For ever and ever

About 12 years ago i met this blonde chick. She was drinving a jeep cherokee just like mine only white, mine was red. She was parked across the street from me at the elementary school waiting for her daughter to come out from her first grade calss, just like me. Everyday we smiled at each other and waved. She was the first one to talk to ME. Im not really even sure how it all started after that to be honest. The girls were best friends. My daughter wanted her hair cut short just like Her Daughters hair, they wanted to have sleep overs and play dates and i found out they lived on the street right behind me. I was new there in that town. I was alone essentially with two little girls and a husband. She had three. Soon we discovered our two youngest were going to be in kindergarten together and i was a stay at home mom while she worked at the college. So naturally i offered to watch her boy for her while she worked. He and My youngest daughter became fast best friends and there similarities were uncanny even though one was male and one female. They both loved Super heros jprimarily spiderman, playing outside, and laughing. those two could laugh at anything and everything. Its really crazy how natural it all happened and before i knew it I had a best friend. She didnt care that i was sad, or over weight, or shy and anxious, or any of it. She was just my friend. We hung out with our men and kids and we played board games till late hours while our kids played and had thanksgiving together. I would go over in the mornings after dropping the kids off at school sometimes in my pajamas still and we would drink coffee and she would tell me about a new book she was reading or show me the cross stitch she was doing. I loved her from the beginning. Her ability to talk!! I was and have always be slightly more reserved because , well i never felt important. About 2 years after i gave birth to my third baby girl. I dont know what happened to me but i started to push her away. My husband had been cheating on me and i was just feeling like the whole world could just kiss my ass! I did not want anyone and i was insecure because of her beauty and her out going nature and i was not any of those things and figured because i wasnt like her that is probably why my husband cheated on me. I could not have been more wrong. I remember walking around the lake we often walked together and her telling me a story that may or may not have involved my husband and some criminal activity. I remeber telling her i could no longer be her friend, that i had to stand by my husband and that i knew he was alot of things but a thief was not one of them. I remember feeling sick inside because i loved her she was my best friend. This women was me, in a different body. You just dont come across people that touch your life like this very often. Its like a once in a lifetime chance. All of our thougths, the things we wanted for out lives and our childrens lives were so similar it was crazy.
Anyway we stopped talking because i thought that after all the cheating my husband did and now he was in counsling and we just had another baby that i HAD to give him the benefit of the doubt and I HAD to put him first. I was young and i was afraid he was going to abandon us. Years later he did and i found myself alone and craving the friend i had so blindly disregarded, and turned my back on not wanting to here what was more likely the truth than not.
I now know years later, that i should have kept my friend and lost the husband.
The abuse in my house and to my self esteem continued and she seemed to be moving on with her life. I remember though coming home from the store one day and finding a book i had loaned her sitting on my door step.
A  few days later when i was putting it away i found a note inside , it said IM SORRY. I bawled my eyes out for days.It wasnt signed but i could feel it in my heart that it must be her just sending me a little message.
I was alone again. I would see her around town and i was so ashamed i could not even look in her direction. I soon learned through my daughter who was still friends with her daughter that they were moving to Alaska. I was devastated but still i did nothing. Two years later and another baby girl on the way, i was still miserable,my husband was still cheating on me and she was still in Alaska.
Then one day i recieved a message through I think it was MYSPACE, (remember that site hahahaha) and there was a message from her telling me she missed me and wished we could talk .
 I was to a point where i knew my marriage was ending and i needed her more than ever and there she was , still with out any judgement. She did not blame me for my halt to our friendship, she did not question why i had chosen my husband over her and that was what made me realize how special she was. She just knew it was what i had to do at the time. Well our  friendship took off again as if it had never stopped and she was there in spirit and on the phone when my husband left me alone with four girls to live a different life with a different women.She was there when my dad died on the phone crying with me.  She was there laughing with me and happy for me when i found the man of my dreams.
She is just the best person ,she is my person. A  heart so big and so full and she herself has gone through hell and back and i can only hope that i have been the kind of friend she has been for me. Our kids are still close and we are closer than ever , ever before.
Having a best friend is so important. I dont know how much so for men but i do know that women are spiritual beyond belief.  We are connected to ourselves and others like you would not believe. I think that it has something to do with the fact that we can grow other humans.
Maybe not but i think there has to be some science that leads to the fact that we are just born this way. We need other women in our lives.To build us up and stand by us and to relate to.
Not all women i guess but most. Even if you never have kids there is a need to take care of something or someone. So you have a best friend and you take care of each other.
We will grow old together that i am sure of.  We will not let anything ever get in the way of our friendship ever again. I can have the biggest fight with her and im never afraid that , thats it, our friendship is over. We just get each other. Anyway this blog post is for her. I love you , you crazy women. Thank you for always making me laugh, making me feel stronger than i am. Loving my kids like there your own. Being REAL with me. I got your back alwasy and forever and ever AMEN!!

Sometimes I wish I was someone else

Getting New computer can really suck sometimes. As I began todays blog I hit some random button and completley deleted what I was typing. ...