Thursday, June 9, 2016

When your partner is in a mood

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What do you do when your partner is "In a mood". Do you take it personally? Do you leave them alone and let them work it out? Or do you hound them to tell you what's wrong?
I tend to hound. I want to know what's bothering Mark so that I can help fix it. I am a pleaser. I want everyone else to be happy first and when there not it drives me crazy not knowing what it is that is making them unhappy.
We all get into moods though. I mean I do,
Sometimes im not angry , but just feel like being quiet. Our lives are busy and crazy at times with five kids at home and each of us working a full time job and each of us trying to start our own business's and get them up and running. Sometimes, I just want to be silent. It doesn't mean im in a bad mood, or sad mood, or any mood really. I'm just collecting my thoughts.
However, why is it that sometimes instead of being supportive towards one another we are apt to pick fights or take our aggressive feelings out on the other person?
I am most certainly guilty of this, especially having Bi-Polar, I can freak out even when it has nothing to do with me. Simply because I think deep down it must have something to do with me or he would talk to me about it.
That just isn't true.
Mark was in a "Mood" the other day and I seriously think I made it worse by nit picking him into telling me what was wrong. I was taking it personally because I feared it had something to do with me or something I did to upset him.
 He kept saying nothing was wrong, but I would not believe him. He said
"If you keep asking me that , then something is going to be wrong".
So I left it alone and just let him be quiet.
I still don't know what was going through his head that night, and trust me it drove me nuts!!
You know what though, maybe its none of my business.
Maybe there was nothing wrong and he just needed to be quiet for a bit after a chaotic day.
We all need private time whether its with our thoughts or with physical alone time.
I don't always respect that , but yet I know how much I need it and he would jump to give me alone time if I asked.
There have been times that he has actually shut me in our room and told the kids to leave me alone and he has made dinner and taken care of getting the kids ready for bed and for school the next day.
He respects that I need that time sometimes.
I need to do the same.
He respects that sometimes I don't want to share my thoughts, and he doesn't hound me.
I need to do the same.
So I will try harder.
I think if your in a relationship it doesn't mean that we have a right to every single thought, and action our partner takes.
They need to be able to be an individual. Separate from you.
I think sometimes we lose that sense of individuality when we become partners. We think we have the right to every single thought they have, and every minute of there time must be had with us.
So NOT true. I love him more than anything on this planet next to my kids and I want him to feel like he is and always will be able to have a chance to be himself with out judgment. I want him to feel comfortable saying to me "hey there isn't anything wrong I just need some quiet time".
We live in a day and age when everyone is cheating on each other and partnership is not the serious sanctuary it used to be and I think silence in our partners triggers some of us to think there is something more going on than what there actually is. A lot of people have already been in failed marriages and relationships and they ended because of trust issues. That alone can put strain on your current relationship.
We have to take back our confidence in our relationships with people and the lines of communication need to be WIDE open. Not Necessarily about what the person is thinking or going through, but we have to be okay with saying "Hey , I love you and it isn't you, I just need some time to decompress".
Especially when your a parent also. We love our kiddo's but we need a break sometimes and we need the other parent to take over for a few hours.
Do it for your partner and hopefully the reciprocate when you need it.
That's Okay. Love your partner, Respect your partner's space when needed, and talk to each other about your needs. I bet we will all be surprised how much better things get.

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