Wednesday, April 20, 2016

I have always envied the mom's who can stay home with there kids.I did it for awhile, with my older girls, and when I did work I worked at night so that I could be a mommy during the day.I did this off and on for years in the hopes that i could manage both worlds. Then my marriage fell apart. When I went to MA School, I also went at night so I could still manage being a mom during the day. Since the birth of my first child its all I have ever wanted to do. Be a mom that is present!! I want to know everything there is to know about my girls. I am open and honest with them about everything , so that they are open with me, as well.
Don't get me wrong my job is rewarding. I get to help people with serious heart conditions. I have worked with the greatest Nurse Practitioner there is out there for the last three years and we are a fantastic team!!! However I find myself at work, day dreaming about the projects I would rather be working on at home. My book I'm writing. My kiddos coming home to a freshly made snack from school. Allowing them to have play dates, and maybe take a cooking class , so I can learn to make healthier meals. I find myself wondering why that is a decision I even have to make. I wonder why I can not stay home and raise my family. I mean I know why! I just don't like it.I really struggle everyday with how me working 10 hours a day effects my children. In one hand I'm holding all the strength, and independence, goal setting,and I don't need a man to make it attitude. In the other hand I'm holding all the missed hugs ,snuggles conversations,skinned knee kisses, teaching moments.
Its an internal struggle that every parent has. I don't know if the feeling is stronger for moms because we carried those little souls inside our bodies.It makes the feelings we have for them so strong that there literally is NOTHING that could break it. So ya it sucks, that living on one income just does not seem feasible.

Living on one income now a days just doesn't work!! Not only is staying home , stressful financially, but I believe putting the weight on one person in the household to work is also stressful to relationships. I believe that putting that stress on one person can cause serious health issues both mentally and physically for that one person. Literally everything rides on there shoulders to be the provider for that family and its a lot for one person. At least I think so. I wouldn't want Mark to have to carry the burden of being the only income.
If your the one staying home, you wonder constantly about whether your spouse/partner is resenting you for being the one to stay home (at least I would). I would worry about how to contribute to our retirement so that we wouldn't have to struggle or work forever. I would worry about Mark and the stress he is carrying on his own because he doesn't want me to worry about it ( you know men they think we cant handle it, cause were a little crazy sometimes..hahaha) but really, its hard no matter which way the wheel turns.
I would love to hear from everyone about this!!! I'm excited to learn from all you moms and dads out there!!
I mean what does it boil down too? Coupon clipping?Selling things we don't need? I mean my ultimate goal is to do what i love and stay home. Is it possible though? So A little encouragement from those of you who have made the sacrifice to either live on one income or cut back to part time would be wonderful. How do you guys, handle your internal struggle with the missed moments? With the feelings of regret?

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